From the Commuter Files: A Nice, Tall Glass of STFU

One of the things I miss about living up north is that: those who take public transportation to and from work understand the value of silence.

Here in the south, you can tell that folks don't really get into the groove of pub trans, and thus aren't digging on some of the unspoken etiquette rules of the morning commute. They especially are ignorant of the Golden Rule of Morning Commutes on Public Transportation:

BE. QUIET.

See, morning commute time is Quiet Time. It's comprised of those sacred seconds that exist between the time you leave the comfort of your own home, and arrive at the doorstep of the job which allows you to keep the roof of said home over your head. It's the time when you manage to catch a little bit of extra sleep, or do your morning crossword/Seek-A-Word/Sudoku/Word Jumble, or read a few more pages of your current book or the newspaper. Quiet Time allows you a peaceful place in which to do any or all of the above so that you can get your mind right for the Corporate Rat Race, lest one's nerves get pushed to the point of sniping people from the top of your cubicle walls.

However, as Wesley Snipes so eloquently stated in Blade II: "Some motherf***ers always gotta skate uphill."

I ride the area commuter buses to work (no subways, alas...*sob*). It's bad enough that the buses run no less than every thirty minutes, and even SHUT DOWN COMPLETELY on holidays (Good Lord...haven't these people heard of a Saturday or Sunday schedule?! *shaking head*), but my peace of mind shatters like a China vase dropped on the sidewalk. Why? Due to loud-arsed fellow commuters!

The main culprits are the cell phone junkies, who have lately been skewing toward those who have family overseas; with the time difference (which is as much as 12 hours), they utilize morning commute hours to catch up with relatives.

Then there are those who just like to talk...to anyone, about anything. They'll strike up a conversation with you (or anyone else on the bus) about the government, the increased price of potato chips at the grocery store, why a bus was late, when they want to get off work. Bonus irritants if they talk in a non-English language; triple irritants if talking in a non-English language while on a cell phone.

Then there are the sports junkies. These are primarily male and they like to loudly debate the virtues of sports teams and players, especially when there is a significant sports event on the horizon, such as the Super Bowl.

And God forbid if the school kids get on the bus; I'm not talking about the elementary, middle school, or high school crowds (they usually are on the 3pm - 5pm buses and will tax your sanity if you ever have to ride a bus during this time), but the college kids who are so pressed to get to class (even though they should have been on an earlier bus to make it on time), they keep asking the driver every ten minutes to let them off at the school. Think of the little kid in the backseat of a car saying, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

There's one guy on my bus who likes to crack jokes. Dude, it is WAY too early in the morning for you to star in your own personal Comedy Central show. The sad thing is, he and I used to ride the same bus home in the evenings, when I worked at a previous job. He was jokey and perky...too perky for someone who'd worked a long, 8-hour day under fluorescent lights. When I took this new job, I thought I was finally rid of him...only to see him start showing up on my morning commute bus, even more bright-eyed and bushy tailed.

(There is a karmic lesson in all of this, but I am (un)blissfully ignorant of it at this time.)

And it's not just the commuters; some of the bus drivers are extra perky in the mornings. The last thing a sleep-deprived commuter wants to be faced with is a booming "GOOD MORNING!" as you insert your fare or bus pass into the fare box. I mean, dude...can a sista make it to her seat first? On my bus, the bus driver and the jokester dude like to feed off each other, like an unholy mass transit tag team. Makes for a nerve-grating (and loud) ride.

Sometimes wish that I carried a nice, tall glass of STFU** in my travel mug to offer my fellow riders, instead of Irish Breakfast tea.

Thanks for stopping by.

**STFU = Shut The F*** Up