Keep It Moving

As life progresses, we grow (hopefully). This usually includes the mastering of old lessons in preparation for new ones; new challenges; new levels of faith.When you go to another level in your life, it is necessary to leave some people behind. Not because they did you dirty or are bad people, but because they just are not going the same way you are. Likewise for places and things. It's a sad but true fact of life.

Surrounding yourself with like-minded people can be a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that they will understand why you do what you do, because they are often doing the same or similar things. A curse in that when you are ready to do something different, something that is not within the insular world in which you all comfortably inhabit, you will find yourself on the outside.

Comfort is nice to have, but it too often leads to complacency. And when you lose your edge in this life, you tend to miss out on a lot of good things, and you also fail to realize just how far you can go. This is especially hard to discern when one has been through turbulent situations and is just glad to gain some measure of peace (or rather, non-turbulence. The two are not necessarily synonymous). Sometimes what one may perceive to be a destination is merely a rest stop; this is especially true when the rest stop spans a time period of years (which implies permanence) rather than months or weeks (which implies impermanence).

A pool of water quickly grows stagnant, especially if it is not replenished with fresh water. Moving water remains fresh. Let it marinate.

I have a hard time letting go: people, places, things, situations. It is a hallmark of my sign; in fact, many moons ago I read a birthday horoscope which said, "learning when to let go will be one of your life lessons." I've gotten better as I've gotten older, but I am still a work in progress. As a result, I find it hard to differentiate between seasonal and permanent. It's easy to figure out if one is referring to a retail job, but not when dealing with life.

For the past few days, my daily devotionals have been hitting me in the gut. Wednesday's stated, "If you are struggling to make things happen and they are not happening, it's you, not God, running the show." Today's devotional read, "Until today, you may not have been aware that you can do too much. In fact, you may have been a stumbling block on your own path." This speaks to recent events in my life, and makes me wonder if I need to let go of yet another thing.

I admit to having a vision of how my life is to be and the things I wish to accomplish; but one thing I have learned is that prayers are always answered, but not in the way we think they should be answered. Which means that perhaps I should let go of my preconceived notions of how/when/where I should realize my particular life vision. This means broadening my horizons and realizing that perhaps I am merely at a rest stop, not my permanent destination. This also means that I may once again be on the outside should my path end up diverging in a direction which others in my life are not upon, and may not be able to follow.

Oh well. I'll figure it out by and by. Thanks for stopping by.

The Song Lives On

Last night I watched the HBO debut of Life Support, the movie with Queen Latifah in which she stars as Anna, a woman living with HIV, and her subsequent community activisim and dealing with her personal demons as a result of said illness (and the events that led up to it).It was a pretty good flick, even if it was only one hour. The movie was produced by Jamie Foxx, and I was glad to see his name behind the scenes for once. I think he even sang on the soundtrack.

There was a lot of quality star power in the movie besides Queen Latifah: Wendell Pierce (Anna's husband, Slick), Anna Deavere Smith (who played Anna's mother. If you don't know who she is, then go outside and kill yo'self...after you Google her), Gloria Reuben (a fellow Life Support group leader and staff member). Evan Ross did a very credible job as Amare, a gay crackhead with full-blown AIDS. Tracee Ellis Ross, as his sister Tonya, did an unconvincing job as a reformed hood rat who still lived in the projects. Even when she was speaking Ebonics, she still sounded like she was delivering a speech to an audience of professors. And she was supposed to be in/from the Brooklyn projects? Nah, son.

However...I kinda understood her point of view. It's hard watching someone die, especially when you were close to that person and knew that their behavior got them to this point...they didn't have to die.Wendell Pierce was very poignant. I mean...to watch someone have to dose up on 12 horse pills a day because of something you did or did not do...that is some serious karma for you.

Anywho...the movie addressed the complexities of living with HIV from a woman's perspective, and the impact the virus has on relationships (and/or lack thereof) within a woman's life. The movie also brought back some memories, particularly when I heard some of the commentary of the folks who were watching the movie with me.

My aunt died of complications due to AIDS in 1995; she was diagnosed in January 1994 and dead by August 1995. Her ex-husband was a heroin addict. She left him due to his addiction but contracted the disease when she decided to reconcile. My cousin, their daughter, was and remains HIV-negative (she is 23 now). She was one of my favorite aunts and it was difficult to watch her die.She struggled with many of the things that the women in the Life Support group spoke of: anger; depression; simply wanting to be touched without fear; dating.

In the movie, Queen Latifah's character Anna said that when her husband Slick called her from prison and suggested that she be tested for HIV, she knew that not only did he have it, but she probably did too. My aunt once said that when she got a call telling her that her ex-husband was in the hospital and he was dying due to AIDS, she knew that she may have been infected as well. I suspect that she knew long before that, but I digress. Anywho...her decision to go back to her husband may have been deemed stupid on her part, especially since she paid the ultimate price for her decision.

She did not adhere to her HIV treatment. Her behavior and mindset was much like that of Amare, who pretty much gave up on himself and his life when a series of bad choices led to people giving him tough love and letting him sink or swim on his own. He chose to sink, but he tried to enjoy himself as much as possible as he drowned.

We did not give my aunt tough love, but rather unconditional love. Still, she got sick and tired of being sick and tired. And while we tried our best to shield her, the world is very cruel to that which it does not understand. Because she willingly went back to her HIV-infected husband (even if she didn't know), she was seen as being at fault for her illness; however, she would have been seen as blameless had she contracted HIV via a blood transfusion, or something like that.

Gotta love the skewed view of the world.

Anywho, the movie brought back the complicated emotions present when dealing with a loved one who has HIV/AIDS. I hope people watch the movie and take what they need from it, especially black women: we are now the demographic with the highest incidence of HIV/AIDS infection in the United States.

Ladies, use your head as well as your heart. Let's protect ourselves. Let's protect each other. And while love is not enough, it is certainly important.Thanks for stopping by.